Goodbyes

Goodbye! Bye! See you again! Voices ring out at leave taking, confident of meeting up again. What if there is no more meeting up? What if your number has been called and out of the blue at that? Friends look at the obituary, shocked into silence at the unexpected departure of someone they had met a short time ago.

If there's an illness, there is time to prepare for the imminent goodbye. There is time to rally round the invalid, a time of sharing and bonding albeit a sad experience, knowing that with each day, the time available reduces by the hour. Sometimes the loved one is able to communicate, sometimes communication is impossible as she lapses in and out of consciousness, a drug-induced stupor.

Watching a loved one waste away into skin and bones is painful. We can never know the extent of her suffering or pain. How can we ever presume to know what she is feeling? Sometimes a light touch is agony, as in the case of bone cancer.

It is no surprise then that family members often shield the invalid from visitors as privacy is jealously guarded. We do not want outsiders to see the extent of our loved one's suffering and debilitated appearance. It can be a brutal shock to see the difference between a robust healthy person and the skeletal frame that she has been reduced to.

Yet we should allow friends to say their goodbyes. It is presumptious of us to prevent our loved one from seeing the friends who have come to visit. How can we tell whether or not she wishes to see them? At least her friends can see her for the last time and if there is a need, to make their peace. Goodbyes have to be said. There should be a closure.

I was not given a chance to bid my dearest friend goodbye. All contact was forbidden and it was a most painful experience, not knowing how my friend was faring although the last time we spoke, he said he was feeling much better. However the reedy sound of his voice told me otherwise. My strong and healthy friend had been sapped dry by the disease in his body. I knew it was only a matter of time but I could not reach him again after that brief telephone conversation.

I only heard of his passing from another friend and the shock was so great it literally floored me. The beautiful timbre of his voice had been stilled. My heart bled for the loss of my classmate. Memories of our youthful days flew before me like a slideshow...... I could not believe he had passed on. It was hard, very hard to hide my grief but I had to for ours was a very special relationship. All along we never said goodbye because we knew there was always another time. Even this final goodbye where he shed his earthly form is not goodbye as he still lives within my memories. We will meet again for there are unresolved issues between us. It is a matter of time.

A time to love,

A time to live,

A time to say goodbye,

A time to die.

A time to meet again

In the great beyond,

There you wait,

There will I come.